Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Difficult Times

We have had such a rough year due to moving, taking care of my brother's kids, and a host of other things that have disrupted our daily lives. The girls have been doing some of the basics but that's about it. I feel that I have not devoted the time that we should on school this year. My oldest is high school this year... which stresses me out. I can't believe our homeschool journey is almost over. I feel like we've just begin and there is so much more that I want to do with them. I feel that sometimes I focus too much on her, trying to prepare her for her future, and my younger ones aren't getting what they should because of that. I had this great education all planned out for them...but I feel that I've failed. I lost my focus.

I actually considered putting the girls in public school next fall. That would be a decision that I knew in my heart wasn't what I wanted to do...but my head has been so clouded. I started to worry about what others would think. All the other homeschoolers I know seem to have it so put together. I feel like a flop! I've spent plenty of time having my own private pity party...and making everyone else in the family miserable. So I knew I had to do something. I did the only thing that I knew to do. The only thing that would make a difference. I prayed.

I've spent alot of time praying about everything going on in my life. I feel a renewed hope that homeschooling is the path that we are to stay on. I need to keep my focus on God's will for me and my family. That is a big part of my problem. It's so easy for me to stray without realizing it. Example: I haven't been to church in quite awhile because I've been keeping my brother's three kids on the weekends...and one of them is always sick. So I'm home with a sick child instead of having my soul refreshed and praising God. I love worship at our church! It makes such a huge difference in my week. Taking care of a sick child isn't a bad thing...but week after week of me not focus on the Lord drained me. I haven't taken the time during the week to have quiet time with the Lord either. So you see, I had become a sad little mama. I need that time with the Lord. I need to focus on His will... daily.

I am rededicating myself to the Lord...and to my family. I'm getting back to basics. My first mission in this life is to take care of my family. The one thing I need to do is to learn to let go of the guilt that I often have when I can't do for others. I'm a people-pleaser...a "yes" girl. I say yes to everything and everyone way too often. Something I will work on...for sure.


Kat said...

I say all the time "homeschooling is not for the faint of heart". It IS so hard sometimes, isn't it? And juggling everything else in there....whew! And I can so relate, I can be a "Yes Girl" too. Sigh......

Oh, and you know the cartoon you had up a several posts ago? Your all time favorite cartoon? As I mentioned, I LOVE it. Would you mind if I stole that to put on my blog. It is just a classic.

HeathahLee said...

I am currently in the same "I feel like a flop" mentality! I am so busy getting ready for this craft fair it has taken over my life, and it's my fault. I should have been ready by the end of April. Kiddo is not getting the quality of education he should, and that stresses me out even more. I think at this point I'm going to try to convince my "principal" to let us pick up next school year since this one has fizzled out! And promise with my hand on my heart I will not let it get this way next year!